Lately

Reading Alan Moore’s V for Vendetta. I was trying to choose between reading V for Vendetta or Swamp Thing, but chose the former instead after asking around in comic forums. I’m quite excited, to be honest, because I was on my toes the entire time I was reading Watchmen. Knowing Alan Moore and his ingenuity, I can tell that V for Vendetta will take my breath away just as Watchmen had.

Writing: I am stuck writing the first chapter of my novel and I hate myself so much because I cannot bring myself to write anything. I’ve been staring at my screen and walls and ceilings for hours for the past week, but nothing’s coming to my head. I think I am too burnt out that I need to stay away from writing as work and go back to writing as leisure for the time being.

Listening to Comptine d’un autre été by Yann Tiersen. This was in the soundtrack of Amelie and I fell in love with it the first time I heard it. Most times I turn to this or Philip Glass’ compositions whenever I write or read.

Thinking about what I really want to do with life. My belief that life is futile just gets more and more affirmed as each day passes. I find no value in anything I do; perhaps I am tired, perhaps I am burnt out, perhaps I need a break, perhaps I need to get away. I don’t really know, but I am not okay.

Hoping for better days. Or productive days, at least. I feel so useless.

Wanting to be away from everybody and everything. Perhaps just the people here at home; I am longing to spend time with this one person, but cannot because I do not know my place in this person’s life. He’s so special to me; I don’t think he realizes that at all. Not that he ever will, because I will never tell him either

Feeling unhappy. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life. The year is ending and I’m nowhere where I want to be.

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