23:15, 20th of May

What an emotional night. I’m supposed to be asleep, yet here I am writing in the dark. My eyes are bloodshot red and as I take each quivering breath, I feel my heart getting heavier and heavier. It’s so hard to breathe when you’re in so much pain. I feel so angry with myself, of my incompetence. I want to excel in the field that I love, but all I’ve been lately is lumber around this horrible shade of grey. I hate in-betweens. I hate it when I never have a definite answer. I hate it when I can’t even decide for myself and not know what I want. I hate constantly feeling this way. I wish I could feel better, think straighter, be better, but I’m a wreck. I’m a wreck, emotionally and mentally. I wish to be happy, peaceful and content. Nothing more. Writing is the only thing I’m familiar with. It makes me angry that I can’t be good or passionate or function in something else. It makes me so, so livid.

Nonetheless, it is a delight to know that the sky is crying with me tonight. At least the Heavens can sympathize.


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